Some people, especially at demonstrations, get the idea that Chanoyu is a performance. The host has set the stage and enters to perform a ritual with the guests as the audience. In performance the emphasis and attention are all directed at the performer, while the audience is there to be entertained or to view the performer do their thing.
I always emphasize to people that Chanoyu is not just a performance, but a shared created experience. It requires the full participation of the guests. Even though hosts and guests each have roles to play, a successful tea gathering works when everyone embraces their roles and contributes to the whole experience.
Yes, the host has set the stage for the Chanoyu experience. They have chosen the time, place, utensils, and guests. The form of the activity is set, but the actual experience is not. There are so many things that go into a tea gathering that no two of them are alike. Even if the same place, utensils and guests gather again, the experience is different. “Ichigo ichie,” One gathering in a lifetime, or unprecedented, unrepeatable.
We are generally not taught how to be a good guest at a gathering, but the etiquette of the guest taught in tea applies to life in general. Things like responding to an invitation promptly, bringing a gift to the gathering to thank the host for their efforts, and writing a heartfelt thank you note afterward were what I was taught from a young age.
But while at the gathering, common sense things such as not bringing up controversial subjects for discussion, respecting everyone, and trying to get along are also good manners.
What Chado has taught me is that being a good guest is an active role. The role of the guest is to receive and to appreciate. That it is an active role, not a passive one. A good guest will notice the things that the host has thoughtfully provided to enhance the guests’ enjoyment. They will notice even the small things such as individual hand towels for guests to wipe their hands, or fresh flowers in the bathroom.
Another active thing guests can do is come to the gathering with an attitude of gratitude. It is a privilege to be invited to a tea gathering and the host has put in a tremendous amount of work for the guests. With gratitude, guests are more open to receive and absorb the experience.
We are not taught very much how to receive. There are many lessons about giving, but receiving is often considered to be selfish, and therefore undesirable and undeserved. A guest with gratitude can receive whatever is offered wholeheartedly and gracefully. As my mother said, “You know the good feeling that you get when you are giving, so why would you deny someone else the good feeling by refusing or downplaying what you receive?”
By giving yourself to the shared created experience of a tea gathering, a whole world opens to us. A connection with other people can be deep and lasting. Communication between host and guests, between guests and guests deepens without words being said. Magical and transformative things can happen. You can contribute to those magical and transformative things. You can become magical and transformative yourself.
Life is richer and fuller if you participate fully. Sitting on the sidelines or waiting to be entertained takes away from the enjoyment of being in the moment and being involved in something larger than our own wants and needs.